April 8, 2024

Two summers ago, my life took a hard right turn. I was released from my company without notice because of my firm convictions in the Lord. Though getting fired felt icky and unjust, I quickly learned that God's wisdom and favor had already made a way. The rug that was pulled out from underneath me quickly proved to be His way of rolling out the red carpet. A distant desire collided with a detailed dream from the Lord, and suddenly I was freed to pursue Jesus into an area I never considered was possible. 

So what's a girl to do when she gets fired, besides waiting tables for a few months to keep the lights on? Naturally, she is to pack up her SUV and drive across country to go live in a basement with teenagers at this wild place called summer camp. Sound crazy? Sounds like Jesus to me.

The treasure along the way was picking up my best friend in Texas and riding into the sunset. Literally. We chased the fading sun and kept going long into the darkness of night. The morning light revealed where we had landed: The desert. This was intentional, as we planned to visit the Grand Canyon and Zion National Park, but the barren red landscape was a stark contrast to the urban jungle of Dallas and the vast plains of west Texas just a day before.  The scattered green of foliage lessened with each mile. We explored the Grand Canyon briefly, stopped for a tune-up somewhere in Arizona (because my car did not like the desert heat), and pressed forward to Zion. We came through the eastern gate at golden hour, both instantly feeling as though we'd gone through a portal to another world. Shameless plug here: Go to Zion National Park. Just go.

The sneak peak we'd had on that first night was so enthralling. So much so that we decided to get up early and spend a few more hours in Zion's beauty before we had to keep going west. As we hiked along the valley floor we came to the little creek in the picture above. You can see one of Zion's iconic towering red cliffs in the distance. We stood there in the quiet with the barely-bubbling water whispering to us. Suddenly, scripture came alive! My best friend said, "This is Psalm 23". I looked and found myself standing beside still waters. Considering the harshness of the desert around us this wellspring was more than a photo opportunity, a nice place for a dip or a cool drink of water. It was a life source. I knew it then and I would realize it even more so later that day. Within hours we found ourselves nearly stranded in Beatty, Nevada. The only life source for nearly 100 miles was a truck stop aptly named The Oasis. The Oasis, complete with wild free-ranging donkeys hanging out at the pumps. True story. A drive across Nevada is not for the faint of heart!

King David knew the desert. He penned Psalm 63 while on the run in the desert of Judah, fleeing from a murderous Absalom. David declares "O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek You. My soul thirsts for You, my body longs for You, in a dry and weary land where there is no water." I'd like to think David knew a thing or two about dry and weary places and seasons. Betrayal, war, caves and the like, remember? He was earnestly seeking because his soul had known true thirst and his body true longing. Unlike David, I was crossing the desert leisurely, yet I was keenly aware of the necessity of water. Having left Florida, only miles from the emerald green Gulf where you can basically drink the air, I had never experienced dry like Nevada dry. I was headed for Oregon, a playground of countless waterfalls and a northwestern rainforest, so I wouldn't be dry for long. But as I journeyed into a dry and barren land my body craved the water, inside and out. Deeper still, my soul recognized the barrenness around me as the all-to-familiar internal landscape of former seasons. My soul had known this thirst.

David went on to say "I have seen You in the sanctuary and beheld Your power and Your glory. Because Your love is better than life, my lips will glorify You." What did David find at the end of his longing? What had come to satisfy his thirst? I think the key was that the refreshing he needed was not simply a reprieve from his harsh circumstances. Could God have plucked him from that desert and put him right back in the palace? Absolutely. Even the world will offer its best to sustain and satisfy, much like The Oasis with the donkeys. It was a temporary reprieve but it could never satisfy an eternal need. David knew that his only life source was the presence of the Lord. It was seeing the One in whom there is only life - life forevermore. It was coming before the only One worthy to receive all power and all glory, to be beheld in His sanctuary. It was the deep drink of God's love, which David declares is better than life, that brought praise to David's parched lips.

Psalm 63 echoes what David  also declared in Psalm 23. He knew his soul needed the water. Despite being surrounded by his enemies and walking through a valley of dark shadows, David saw the table prepared in the presence of the Lord. Circumstances did not dilute the refreshing of presence. He chose to sit there, drink deeply and allow his soul to be restored. Whatever David was facing or whatever he presumed he lacked was fully eclipsed by what he'd found in the presence of the Lord. He had found the source.

Only a few short months after my cross-country trek, on the heels of an amazing summer at camp, my soul found itself thirsty again. More accurately, I felt like I was dying. I didn't cry out for beauty for ashes or joy for mourning. I simply asked that God wouldn't let me die there, spiritually speaking. I'd taken a new job which I would later learn was a pivotal stepping stone to my current season - the season in which I launched this ministry. I knew I was in the will of the Lord. I knew it wholeheartedly. But He'd led me straight into the desert - not to tempt me, but to show me the faithfulness of His life source. I clung to Psalm 63, but my loneliness and isolation gave way to bitterness (and thankfully, unto repentance). There, my soul needed the assurance that I had seen the Lord, and I was ruined for anything less. It felt like I fought for every drink, for every moment of rejoicing. It was not a wrestle for the lack of His provision, because His wellspring continually flowed toward me. It was a battle because I had to trust that He was enough. 

As quickly as the desert came, it went. I had come to the threshing floor of CHRIST ALONE, and glory be to God, I was sifted. For nearly a year and a half I saw myself fading into merely a shell of who I truly was in Christ. I needed refreshed, and only He could remind me who I was. And just like that, before I could even realize it, He restored my soul. I've come to love His Wells of Refreshing, and it took me truly thirsting to know my dependence on the only source that would truly satisfy. I can come to Him, knowing He doesn't mock my humanity or capitalize on my weakness. I am not ridiculed for my thirst. I am blessed. His wells simply flow and restore. They clean and heal. They wash and baptize. They nourish and sustain. They refresh in every way.

The more I thirst, the more I sojourn with Him, the more I realize I have no life apart from His wellspring. I will never graduate from my need for Him. I need Him. I need Jesus daily, in every season, in every way. My soul faints apart from Him. I need the One who brings forth springs from the desert, water from the Rock, eternal wellsprings, the true drink, the Restorer of my soul. Lord, let me stay here. Don't let me wander from Your Wells.